The room was about half the size of a normal school classroom and was slowly beginning to fill up with strange faces, some older, some younger but none of them familiar. On one wall was a half finished mural that struck me as a bad omen. I'm notorious for starting things and not finishing them (I'm thinking of the many novels and short stories I have enthusiastically begun only to quit part way through to work on another idea that has exploded in my head).
A hundred other negative connotations swept through my mind as I starred at this half finished river and woods.
I sat down in the corner and felt a tingle of anxiety.
Was this a big mistake? Did the doctor know what the hell he was doing referring me to this program?
God, I hoped so.
I won't bore you with details other than to say I believe this is EXACTLY where I need to be right now, and with the difficult circumstances I am facing in my personal life.
Being around some of these people with similar obstacles to overcome and life problems is a big comfort.
I don't feel as alone anymore.
I have met some really smart, caring and thoughtful folks, who have listened to me, heard my story without judging me and whom I already feel a bond.
The staff, the councillors, are great. Though I haven't had any 'one on one' with them yet, or been seen by any of the doctors, I can tell they have their hearts in their work and the people in the group mean a lot to them. This is very encouraging to me.
Some of the topics we covered include anger management, positive psychology and boundaries and finally how to deal with people who ask about our illness. The topics seem tailored and extremely relevant to my life and I have found positive information galore.
I am actually looking forward to Week 2, and what more I can learn that will help positively impact my life and emotions.
Two people graduated on Friday, receiving certificates to show they had completed the program. One man, who here I will call Brad, gave a very inspiring speech. Afterward, though I didn't really get a chance to meet and learn much about Brad, I went up and shook his hand and told him how much his words meant to me and how his words had lifted my spirit and gave me hope.
Wormies, I'm feeling much stronger and more positive.
I've lost a lot of weight by changing my diet and exercise. For the first time in years I'm below 200 pounds and I look great.
I also have a clear goal for my future, something I figured out durning an exercise in "visioning". It's not something radical that I haven't thought of before but the image has become much sharper in my mind, pin sharp.
I want to be a children's book writer and illustrator. I want to go around to schools and inspire kids to be creative and write and paint their own stories. I want to read them my own imaginings and see the looks of wonder and fascination light up their bright little minds.
Durning one exercise this week we were given a canvas, paint and a half hour to create something. Mine was to do with my visioning. Below is a picture of a monster's eyeball. I'll leave it up to you to imagine what the rest of him looks like.
Again, if you have read this far, thanks. I appreciate you.
If you are coming from a similar place, I hope you are getting support and are starting to feel better about your life, yourself and those around you.
